Permission to Press Pause

A few months after my marriage broke up, I gave myself permission to press pause on Sasstainable. I haven’t been blogging on the regular and the crickets have been chirping in this corner of the internet. My blog was so badly forsaken that year I was asked to leave one of the ethical blogger membership collectives, because I wasn’t really writing anything, ever. And apart from the fact that the blogger who broke up with me was condescending and a bit rude (insinuating they pitied me on the assumption that I wouldn’t be able to pay the $60 yearly fee.. please) I was relieved.

My blog was once my pride and joy that I’d built from scratch over five years with endless cups of fairtrade, organic coffee, but it became a source of massive guilt. A symbol of the things I wasn’t accomplishing. All the products I wasn’t reviewing. All the perspectives I wasn’t sharing. I went silent. Apart from a couple of times when companies offered me food and money for sponsored posts, because really what more can a woman ask for in this life other than a decent meal and some cold hard cash? I couldn’t find it in me to create an approach or strategy for Sasstainable because, divorce. And exhaustion. And co-parent overwhelm. And a career. A proper one, at a company I love, where I’m succeeding and hustling for my life. Because mortgage payments, on my own. I have a new sense of professional happiness derived from what I lovingly call the pursuit of purpose. Life’s been awful and it’s been awesome. And I’m alright.

I thought I might sort of die a little bit when I decided to look up from this screen and step back, way back. Instead, I travelled to Glasgow with one of my best friends, and drank all the Scotch. I got a tattoo in memory of my late father on his 60th birthday. I fell in love with Copenhagen which is 100% my city soulmate, ride or die, and drove to Detroit to attend a Sustainable Brands conference that pretty much changed my life, crashing local breweries and taking an urban agriculture tour. I supported Safia Minney’s Slave to Fash campaign and my name is listed on the opening page in the credits and I may have cried when I read it. I’ve attended Toronto fashion shows, and practiced piano for the first time in years, swimming endless laps in the condo pool (because condo fees goddammit). I travelled alone and I found out I actually enjoy my own company, and it’s not that bad to be by myself. I stormed Queen’s Park in the women’s march and taught my daughter about civic action. I met Iris Apfel and tried Tinder (she’s terrific, Tinder’s terrible). And I just can’t tell you how much I love my job. It gives me the privilege of working with inspiring entrepreneurs and nontoxic, sustainable lifestyle products everyday. I have the chance to support charitable partnerships that tackle climate change and contribute to conservation.  I’m over here pinching myself that I worked my way into a career that aligns so well with my passion and I get an actual paycheque for it, imagine. Gracias, universe. I’m grateful.

But now I’ve decided to return. I’m pressing play. And I’m making no promises about anything, on content, or frequency, or even if I’ll do much other than shout about failure and fashion, feminism and food and the fun that comes from parenting the coolest kid in one of the coolest cities in the world. I just wanted to say that I pressed pause and it may have looked like I gave up, but I was actually leaning in. Leaning into my life. It proved to be the best decision I made in two years. Now, it’s good to be back. I’ll be seeing you x

About the Author

Angela is founder and editor of Sasstainable, an insider voice on sustainable lifestyle and ethical luxury. In 2013, she completed her MSc in Environmental Management at the University of London, at the Centre for Development, Environment and Policy. Her passion for the environment grew out of her family's rural property in Raglan, Ontario, now a designated Natural Heritage System area in the Ontario Greenbelt. In 2009, she was granted Ryerson University's Top 30 Under 30 Alumni award, because of her work as a motivational speaker. She inspired over 30,000 high school and university students across North America. She is a published writer, contributing articles to Geez Magazine, Eluxe Magazine and Feelgood Style, among others. She enjoys fashion, cooking, art and yoga. She served on the board of directors for Toronto Zooshare Biogas Co-operative and Toronto Green Community. She currently lives in Toronto, Canada, with her 3 year-old daughter, Charlotte.

3 Enlightened Replies

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  1. Ashlee says:

    Angela you are darling and this really speaks to me and all the overwhelm I felt after my six year relationship ended and I stepped back (and had similar interactions with said blogger group, but that’s by the by). I still post super sporadically because -life! And as you mentioned, it should also be filled with the other crazy and stressful things like work and parenting and swimming!! Your success is clearly measured in so many other wonderful ways. Thank you for sharing this.I admire your openness and strength and I think you’re amazing and it’s great to have you back!

    • sasstainable says:

      Aw, thanks Ashlee I appreciate it so much. Life really is for living – and I’m so happy to know amazing people in our online community! Comments like yours make it all worthwhile. I’m just taking it one goal, one post, one (insanely busy and stressful) day at a time 🙂 That’s all we can do. Thank you!

  2. Leah says:

    Glad you took the time you needed. So many people are afraid to let go and slow down, but it’s essential to moving forward with clarity. I’m also really saddened to hear about the way you were mistreated by that blogger group. It’s a shame that things like that occur in this space at all. Welcome back! I’ll keep following!

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